These little miniature people in my life. I adore them. I love them with all my heart and soul. They define my every day and hour and minute. 

Every thought process either begins or ends with the little guys. 

It’s all encompassing. 

Life changing.

Before we had children, it’s all we wanted. We both came from families with many children, and imagined such a life for ourselves. 

I would dream of the day that I could dress my little ones in the cutest outfits and prance them around town.

There were so many pins on Pinterest that I would save that I just knew would look like my life with my kids someday!

In my dreams I would bathe my kids daily and slather them in good smelling organic lotions and style their hair.

And then we had our own kids.

The fantasies faded, replaced by real, unwavering, unidentifiable love.

The realest of love. 

My kids don’t look like the pins on Pinterest.

nor do I spend the time and money to dress them up in the latest trends. 

Instead, they smell like pirates booty and cheese sticks.

but they are so insanely lovable and huggable and kissable sometimes I drive myself crazy!!!

Just think a kiss from the little guy minutes after chomping pirates booty. Mmmm. It’s too much! 

And then also sometimes I remember the years before kids. 

The peace and quiet.

The lack of mini fingerprints and smears on couches and windows and my own outfit.

Back when heading out didn’t require finding a babysitter to watch the kids for a few hours. 

Sometimes that sounds so peaceful. So tranquil. 

If I have peace and quiet I’ll be wishing for children. If I have children, I’ll long for peace and quiet. 

If I don’t have nice things, I’ll wish I had them!

When I have all the things I could ever ask for I’ll long for the days of simplicity when one small purchase brought so much joy.

So for today...

I’ll remember those days I longed for children, and although sometimes my crazy gets the best of me, I love being a mom. I am so grateful for the children I have been given and the one that is healthily kicking around in my belly; and spending every waking hour with the loving little devotees. 

There will always be an if only.......xoxo


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